is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
