I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
