I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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