You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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