I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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