I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
