I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
