On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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