we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
