considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
