i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
