I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
