margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
