You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
