My nipple is on Facebook.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
