Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
