you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
