I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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