you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
