So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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