Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
