I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
