theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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