I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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