On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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