in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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