it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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