Its about making memories worth repressing
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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