I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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