I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
