Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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