Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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