i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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