Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
