DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
