Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
