Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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