Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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