We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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