did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
