A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
