I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
