I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
