I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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