clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have fence marks all over my body
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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