i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
