I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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