I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
