Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
