All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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